BREAKTHROUGH – The word (is the word!) for 2020

That’s the word I chose to focus on for the coming year because I need one, I want one, and I deserve one. Granted, I’m mostly talking about my financial situation, and my level of “low” has upgraded, blessedly. But I’m also talking about my trading. My relationships, my drink making, my cigar knowledge, my alcohol knowledge (wine in particular), and most importantly, my WRITING.
I’ve spent most of this year NOT being a writer. I’ve been a bartender, I’ve been a student of the bar (heh heh) and I’ve been a trader (mostly) both live and on paper. I’ve been more of a cigar aficionado.


Oh, update. I was let go from The KOP lounge.  It was a blessing in disguise, TRUST ME! Such a shit show with the manager being overworked, another higher up being overworked, a cheap bastard owner, and employees who didn’t know shit about our POS.  Oh and that whole back pain shit.
BFB Downut every time I pick up an older MS slated for release when it’s time, I get a feeling of elation and longing – yes, for my schedule is less erratic and more predictable, but more for the ability to come back and craft. The Undead Souls MC series is one book away from being finished. Clint – a sort of SoA rip off, needs to be rewritten from the ground up because of the lessons I learned in the Undead Souls MC about plotting a series, and really, being a better writer in terms of telling a better story.
Yes, I’ll have to learn marketing, that’ll be at least ONE breakthrough. Another will be when I finally start hitting the nail on the head and making sustainable income from said initial breakthrough.
I have at least six FULL-Length novels that are ready if not NEAR ready for the world to see. Plus, Undead Souls may have a follow-up series (Firebrand MC for those who have read Riding Tempest) just WAITING for the world to see what I have to share in Romance.
I’ll be at the shop most of January, pending some possible news, so I’ll be plotting, returning back the first week of January for my first BREAKTHROUGH.
What’s your word to focus on for 2020?
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*From Facebook post – only lengthened*
Today I got to hear the ding in TOS – something I haven’t had the pleasure of hearing in a few weeks. I’d have heard it in my live trading account Monday, but I was kind of fuzzy headed because I’m getting over a cold shared by both lovers.  Prior til that, there was the routine of getting up, sucking down Amaro, just to suck down painkillers, just to suck down vodka/gin/bourbon, just to put something in my stomach so I COULD function, THEN sucking down coffee because I needed a clear head for work.  Guess who, by the way, has three jobs…NOT counting trader, cigar/lifestyle blogger/writer.  Needless to say, I’m grateful for the job at the Kop – it’s OUR bar.  The hotel staff basically want nothing to do with working it, because they generally don’t know the POS or how to pour/mix etc.  I am just guessing, but only Eric and I are running it for now.  For my first bar gig out of school, and my first working (non writing) job, I am pretty pleased.  It’s temporary – I need a bigger space, more routine, regulars, that sort of thing.   Oh, plus regular tips.
The trading ding, along with the little bit of writing I did last week is making me pine for normalcy, routine. I miss being a writer, but am having to figure out how to build in time to write when I can on nights when I’m not at The Kop, and trade during the day all five days a week.  I’m back in the swing of watching daily Tastytrade content in the evenings during my cigar time.
Now, I can get up, drink my alkagizer, drink my coffee, eat regular, home cooked food and I’m in minimal pain, but a foam roller has helped with that.  Oh, one thing I’ve had to add as of late, Kombucha.  Gut health is shot to shit when you take 4X800 Advil three to four times a day for most of a month.

I won’t lie, this was inspiration when I was starting the Undead Souls MC series!

I basically will be eating dinner for lunch on those days, go to work, make sure I bring my chicken and greens with me so when I have a down moment, I can eat healthy, then come home and maybe not worry about food (bullshit, it’s me…) or not worry so much. I’ll possibly be looking into foil packet batching, #slowcookersunday recipes, and keeping my alkagizers in heavy rotation. This doesn’t help with “I want to get back to writing or trading” bit.

Figuring out the new routine is going to take some adjusting. Making sure I have enough time, energy, (booze, haha) and can pick up a new routine with my writing loved ones…is going to be key.
I may have to start getting up at 10 AM…rather than 11:30.
Not sure how I feel about that LOL!  If I do that though, I may catch live Tastytrade content before the oldest GF calls.  That might be good to be up at opening bell.  It might give me meditation time, as well as some time to spend with my tarot cards too.
The goals are still in place. Return to writing, full swing. Get my Tastyworks account up there in size so I can really trade. This doing two to five trades a month is great for learning but my P/L sucks and I cannot fix that without the ability to vary strategy and underlying. Get my Tattoo to honor #OwnHerHeart, Oh, there’s a list of things I need to do, and want to do.
If The Villages at Kensington work with me, I’m here one more year. But after that? It’s time for an upgrade.
Suppose this was why I began to reclaim my time using Tim Ferriss things three years back.
Go, do be. And do it all with passion.
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Over the pain

*From Facebook.*

A little back story:  Three weeks ago, almost to the day, I worked an event as a bar back for Cobb Energy Center.  I busted my ass.  Came back next day.  Did bar tending.  Set up, tear down, all the lifting, in a less than in shape 41 year old body with great aerobic capacity but a weak core and muscles, outside of my legs.

Wake up that Sunday whimpering in pain.

Spend three weeks in excruciating pain where I drank booze, amaro (which is alcohol but not for the booze sake) took tons of pain pills, basically self medicated, didn’t eat, writhed in pain, couldn’t think, function or move, outside of forcing myself to head to the Kop for that part time permanent job.

Today?  Finally…now, the post.


Riding Myst intro…

Catching up on some other client work today since I finally feel fine for the most part. The re-introduction of home cooked food has helped, unfortunately my body is revolting against the Chinese veggies, aklagizer and Himalayan sea salt drink.

It only took me three weeks to get over this pain. It took some tough love from…well, She knows. And some help from my other, because I was at one point literally whimpering on the floor with the AC off because I didn’t realize just how bad I’d wrenched my back.

Oh well. Saturday night was the first time I felt like I’d been able to do my job without a hitch. Making drinks isn’t the problem. Hell, kitchen and serving, despite my learning curve aren’t difficult. But since I never had retail experience growing up, some things that should be common sense to me, aren’t.

Then there’s the POS. That’s what I’ve struggled with because only one other person has it down and she left to get more hours at her other job. My GMs are learning too but it’s frustrating, dealing with a learning curve on top of everything at once.

So I slow down to speed up. Something I’m learning with this job that I’ve been learning in trading: Give yourself time to be right. We trade strategies 45 days out and if the stock moves against us after we place the trade, we have time to either adjust or cover. Better to adjust, but possibly better to let probabilities play out and give ourselves time to be right. With this job? I’ve been hard on myself with the learning curve.

So, I’m going to do everything in my power to give myself time to be right.

If you’re in Buckhead, I’d stop by for a drink after 5 when I’m there at The KOP Lounge. Maybe catch Atlanta United, or Liverpool Football Club games!

I’m going to see Fit for an Autopsy with Rivers of Nihil at end of Oct. No pit for me!

I took off trades for profits Friday, need to put more on today but it’s almost time for Market Bell so….have to wait until tomorrow when I can spend proper time.

Oh and something I haven’t mentioned to anyone BUT my Loved Ones is that I’ve figured out a plot issue with Riding Myst in the second Undead MC book. Having to do with the MC and their initial decision to get caught up in the mess involving finding Myst gave me a chance to throw down some tension.

And I intend to get back to plotting what’s going to be called Riding Rayne – the third Undead Souls MC book.  After some reading, I might take another stab at fixing the BDSM scene for #OwnHerHeart. 

I’ve missed this reality. My new one has perks, such as being able to finally clear my bills and start putting funds away.  Saving for my goals list, moving, upgrading my life.

My hope is that you’re doing what you love, or working toward it. Bar tending is great, but it’s a means to an end because I am a writer and (new) trader – those are my passions. Talking about spirits is too, and I’m glad I seized the opportunity.

Do not deny your nature.

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Thoughts on my return

*This was from Facebook after some reflection.*

It feels odd doing writer things after not doing so since my hiatus. The reality is, I have

six books that can be put back on Amazon and can sit there without me having to do any further work up front and they’ll either sell, or they won’t, but I can play with FB ads when I’ve got the marketing fund rebuilt.

What people often fail to see is that the goal for me, because I did a dangerous thing twenty years ago, is to get back to marching to MY drum – so many

people are just existing to exist. They’re not living, they’re surviving. I started reading about entrepreneurs (hey I spelled that right first time!) who didn’t like being temporal prostitutes.

So they made their own paths and while it was a struggle in all cases, they prevailed and have their world the way they want it. Nothing can touch them.

I was given the key (bartending school) and now I’m looking for the door or doors that it’ll unlock so I can step through. But as much fun as that will be (much like working at the cigar shop), it’s a means to an end. I had an interview yesterday at a really dope spot, have another on Friday with a catering company, and another Monday (taking Dave’s advice) and think it’d help establish my solid base so I can get BACK to writing. I have a second Undead Souls MC book to edit(pay for edits/coverart) and a third one I may write this year, plus a course to finish developing. I still have the Mafia/Illuminati para-rom series I need to edit/publish, and the Undead Souls MC might have a spinoff, plus I have at LEAST 6 titles that need an editor and cover art, PLUS two #LoveLetterstoHer that are DONE save the previous mentioned. And while I’m making money today on my trades despite the near 100 point drop in the Spuz in my live account (or I was two minutes ago…) I’m actually profitable in the paper trading account, but that’s a LOT more capital. And a LOT more trades. Markets are only open (non futures trading) 9:30-4, so I’d have plenty of time during my work day to make that day my own.

So, means to an end because fuck just existing.I took Tim Ferriss’s advice in The Four Hour Workweek and almost four years ago began to reclaim my time. I have lovers I want to spend it with. Friends I want to see. Experiences I want to have.


“Stop living a lie, existing cause you can” – Northlane.

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The Ding

*From Facebook.*

It’s funny, the intentions set privately manifesting through my loved ones who verbalize the same ones because we operate on parity.

And this parity is something that unconsciously pushes us forward in both growth and our goals in life.

So we find ourselves moving as a unit, with no weak link, because something tying us together, to the universe, reminds us that it has our back.

Always forward, always with momentum. Always with love.

Also, I love the ding…

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Shifting Routine

*Post from Facebook.*

My routine is a little off at the moment because I’m actively trying to change it so I can come back to writing and have more funds to trade with, but I have found that making time for personal growth has been easier with more “freedom” in my schedule. Right now? Taking the Leap, by Pema Chodron is a quick read I’m getting through after having finished Deep Work and Miracle Morning.

I’ll come back to romance reading stuff probably on this Thursday when I go to the club.

just started the chicken I’m batching, going to play again with Monchong fish fillet, made the alkagizer batch, and will be sitting down with a cigar and my iPad for Tastytrade content I couldn’t see because only one of my girlfriends rises earlier than Market opens…haha

This isn’t the growth I envisioned, but it’s way more powerful. I like it, Sam I am!

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Lofty Questions

*Facebook post, re: my return back to Author-hood.*

I’m literally scanning the watch lists for a trade since taking two off and my QQQ position losing (extrinsic) value right now, and having to ask myself: Am I not making a trade because I’m afraid, or do I seriously not like the odds?

I’ve looked at $GDX and $GDXJ for the last few days and been wondering about a play because IVR is high. But I don’t like the credit (if I’m directional)

Makes me wonder. Because I’m not writing at the moment. Oh, I finished my piece for LuckBox Magazine and I intend to send that off once I look at the suggestions. Felt good to put that together. My little short for L’Don that was cathartic? I haven’t picked back up yet.

Both the new Beauty in my life and I had to work this weekend so we didn’t get to spend as much time together as we wanted.

At least Carcer City dropped a new EP.

I’d like it if Summer had meaning again. Right now, based on last year and this? It’s tumultuous at best because last year I was dreaming of trading and seriously considering not writing. Now? I’m actually trading and trying to find that perfect bar to tend.

So I’m asking myself lofty questions because they’ll engage the mind to figure out the solution.

How is it I got the perfect bar tending job? How did I do that? How did I accomplish this miracle?

Don’t know, but my mind will figure it out. In the meantime, I’m tending bar at GWCC on the 19th. 6-1 AM…

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The Journey

*Reflections on my journey trying to return back to writing: a post from Facebook.”

So much has changed in the last six months and while I’m good with it, reflection is also a good thing. Looking back, to see how far you’ve come from where you were, to where you are, can be scary.

But I’ve started reading Deep Work by Cal Newport, with the intention of reclaiming even more of my time back so I can come back to writing fresh. And the intention of digging deeper into becoming my best self because apparently…shit’s about to pop.

I realized I’ve already read more books this year than I have in the past three years combined. That’s in part due to my commute to bar tending school, my down time, my time at the club and slow days at the shop. I’ve read more romances, more personal growth.

I don’t like that I have no standard die hard long term routine right now. Meaning, I used to know exactly how each day would go, right up until I stopped writing at 2: 30 AM. Now? I know that I only check my trading screen until four, I drink my sole, my alkagizer, smoke my cigar at 8, watch Tastytrade content, and talk to both girlfriends. Seems like a lot, but in comparison, it’s not.

Seeing Whitechapel and Fallujah reinvigorated me as a writer, because it’s their music I fell in love with as a writer, to help put the words on the page. I’m seeing Entheos in July, too. I’m getting out more because I’m pounding the pavement trying to find a bar tending gig. Don’t need anything high end, simple and easy will do until I’ve got this down. I need a fit for the bar, and for me. Because bar tending IS a personal thing.

Suppose the point of all this is to acknowledge that nothing is the same, energy is a constant and is constantly in motion and I’m grateful to move forward, as I dig deeper into my Self. I wonder what will be different about my writing when I return.

I did start a short, not too long ago. It was a cathartic piece mostly, built around some lyrics by Spiritbox, to help me release some emotion and pain over #OwnHerHeart. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, or if it’ll ever see the light of day. But even it, reads the same as my old work, currently. Suppose if I had to acknowledge anything else, I’d tag Steve Zobel and say I’m doing what you suggested, that night we got drunk at Spice Monkey.

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Finished with Bar tendnig school BUT (The Journey)

*Long posts on Facebook that have me questioning things as I find a way to return back to writing should be shared here, and possibly Patreon.*

I know what I’m doing this for. I know I belong on the other side of the bar, because I FEEL it.

But honestly?


“It’s getting harder to breathe, harder to feel free
It’s getting tougher to write, tougher to feel things
It’s getting harder to live, harder to pay bills
Hard to feel alive

It’s getting harder to breathe, harder to feel free
It’s getting tougher to write, tougher to feel things
I need help
I feel sick of taking these pills
Life must be sweet once we’re fucking dead…


Once that we’re dead

Sometimes I drown in the sound
By trying to find the silence
(The silence!)
Lost in the noise of this world

Show me the way through the darkness” – Novelists

Ignore the curved steel…

How appropriate the band name…

I miss this. I LIKED having to struggle with the characters and the writing. I enjoy it and will return. But I miss it terribly right now.

It felt good to hit “The End.” and feel that satisfactory little death (different little death) that I think artists get after completing a project.

I liked the mental struggle of figuring out how I was going to show the world that it could hope for love, no matter the struggle – it made me feel.

I hope you’re embracing your struggle.

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New Release from Tina Donahue!

Yes, I’m still writing.  Yes I’m still pushing me. But Tina’s awesome so….


Three powerful men will ensure her submission…

Surrender is the lifestyle club where professional women seek alpha males to dominate and pleasure them. A concept Bree envisioned from the moment she fled her impoverished past. However, dreams don’t come easy. To fund her wanton Malibu club, she needs partners.

Enter Lucius, Tav, and Cody, three wealthy and imposing males who know what they want and that’s Bree, stripped and submissive to their will. Bad boy Lucius has billions but what’s money when the right woman isn’t at his side to pleasure him sexually, while he uses her in the most provocative ways. Laid-back Tav isn’t so easygoing between the sheets, his dominance irresistible. Cody’s an adrenaline junkie, enjoying extreme sports in and out of bed.

Hot and kinky play is on the sexual menu, pulling Bree deeper into a shameless fantasy that can’t possibly last. Until and unless she’s willing to offer her heart.



Lucius pressed close, his thighs to hers, his hand cupping her neck. “Like this?”

He captured her mouth, their lips fitted perfectly, his bristly cheeks scraping hers, tongue plunging inside.

Gawd. She sagged against him, powerless to resist his strength, scent, and taste. Something minty but also unique, a flavor belonging to him alone.

She gripped his lapels, needing them to keep steady and to get closer. The moment she had, she ground indecently against him.

A breath couldn’t have slipped between them, her breasts crushed to his chest, not allowing her to inhale fully.

Who the hell needed air?

He deepened his kiss, taking rather than asking, using, enjoying, his roughness a thrill rather than something to worry about, and precisely the behavior she required.

Yet she still desired more.

Once she pulled the leather tie from his hair, she drove her fingers through his thick, silky locks.

A lusty grunt rose from deep within him.

She’d rarely heard a better sound.

He tempered his passion, gentling the kiss.

That was awesome too.

They enjoyed each other as she’d wanted from the moment they’d met, her feelings for him building each time he smiled at her or they shared laughter she’d tried to avoid, their friendship deepening despite her attempts to keep an emotional distance. During those empty days when she’d denied herself physical contact, she never would have believed a kiss could be so wondrous.

The world faded away, sounds retreating, leaving them clinging to each other, savoring closeness and intimacy.

Wasn’t enough. If possible, she would have crawled inside his mind, heart, and soul. Barring such nonsense, she stopped herself from coming on too strong.

He struggled for breath, the same as her, then pulled his mouth free and gulped air.

Lucky him. She couldn’t draw in enough to clear her head.

Tav slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her into him.

Whatever air she’d taken poured out and mingled with his, his mouth on hers, tongue slipping inside, his beard rasping her skin.

Her knees sagged, bumping into him, his fresh, woodsy scent surrounding them, bringing to mind a forest, reclining on fragrant grass, leaves floating down, sun winking through countless trees to bathe their naked flesh.

She wreathed her arms around his shoulders, wanting him as a shelter against doubt and everything bad.

Holding her in a firm but gentle embrace, he angled his mouth for greater penetration, his passion as deep as Lucius’s, yet also carefree. As if necking with her here was the most natural thing in the world, even though she’d kept her distance when they’d worked together. Not once sharing a meal unless they bumped into each other at lunch in the employee break room.

Those times had prepared her for now, their intimacy exciting yet comfortable and necessary.

Unable to resist, she pushed his tongue from her mouth and filled him instead.

Rather than protest, he allowed her to enjoy his clean flavor and suckled her deep.

She hadn’t expected anything less from him. Tav took life as it came, greeting whatever was in his path. For the moment, she was his sole focus and wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

He eased her closer, his strength impressive yet subdued. His effort at containing it, making him tremble.

She wanted him as unleashed as Lucius would be.

And Cody.

He separated her from Tav.

“Hey, I wasn’t finished.” Tav shot him a look.

Cody shrugged. “You are now.” He grasped her wrist.

Surely, he wasn’t going to kiss it. He’d never seemed the romantic type to her.

And wasn’t now.

After he’d trapped her against the wall, he held her wrists above her head and cupped her breast.

Her nipples peaked, straining against her suit jacket.

He thumbed one rigid tip, his lime fragrance and sweet breath stoking her desire.

She wrapped her leg around his and pressed against him.

His grin spoke volumes. “Bad girl.”

“You think?”

“I know.” He brushed his lips over hers, their softness and heat striking, his smooth cheeks a balm, his tantalizing foreplay increasing her excitement.

Whoever thought wild monkey sex was the only way to go for a good time hadn’t experienced this.

Grab your copy on Amazon now!

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