Continuing with the fun of the move

Seriously? This is an ant hill…they built it that way…

If you’ve been following the Sascha Illyvich Move Saga (I swear I’ll eventually have a title that sticks) then you’ve been aware of all the drama with living here the last few years. From fires to roaches, to rats (yes, fucking fats, I’ve had to kill two of them in the old unit) it’s been a clusterfuck since the new management took over the first time.

Enter new management as I said in my previous post. They seem to be making moves in the complex but I’m not seeing them gut units out yet. They did redo the lake by the apartment here And attempted to die it but that sadly, didn’t stick.

But the latest shit was the bug infestation. Did I mention that? Oh, wait I know I said something about it up top. About two months back, I opened one of my cabinets to discover a handful of these German fat fuck roaches just hanging out. Needless to say, I was disgusted. There’s a reason I used to be such a clean freak and this was it, despite having been told by other pest control people that they didn’t come because I was a slob, they came because food and other factors somewhat out of my control.

We called the apartment and had them put us on pest control every Friday. And for the past few months, every Friday almost, I’ve been woken up earlier than I’d like for someone to come in, spray a border, offer to put down sticky traps and then leave. The fucking bugs have to CROSS THAT SHIT TO Get POISONED!

They’ve overrun the younger lover’s desk, started to invade mine, but were slowly decreasing after all the repeated attempts from these fools here. Thing is, it wasn’t happening fast enough and the fuckers were spreading. Short story? We fucking brought in our OWN pest control.

It’s been less than a week and I’m still seeing them here and there, but put it this way. When THAT dude sprayed behind my fridge (where they’re hanging out because heat) he kept doing the rest. Of the apartment and I started seeing them trying to escape, only to die on the walls because nerve agents are fun.

The girlfriend was at work and I had both kitties locked up in our bedroom. Two hours later, the carnage had slowed and while I felt like leaving and going somewhere else to get work done, enjoy a beer and smoke a cigar, I thought better to stay here.

The last problem is that it’s halfway through April as of this post and we’re STILL waiting on these knuckleheads to get us our lease to sign so we can renew for a full year at a slightly elevated rent. I’ve called a few times and will probably call again as of the week of this post to ask where y shit is so we can sign. Because if there isn’t anything in place by May 1st? I’m not giving them anything more than the current rent until there’s paperwork in place.

Very wolf-moon-rose times ahead
Very beautiful new artwork on my left forearm. I’ll post another blog about why and what this signifies, but let’s say I’m in love and can’t wait to take off the protective covering!

Sick of this shit.

On a different front? New tattoo!

Oh, and I had a dilemma earlier in the weekend. Did I start writing/plotting the third and final Covenant of Wolves book? Or do I keep myself in the world of Nights of Lust and finish that series instead? Well, yesterday I’d finished my office stuff and decided to see if everything on the iPad had synced up and was open for me to switch between this device and my laptop. And an opening came to me. More on the greater theme of the final novel, but let’s say it’ll be dark humor and you can probably blame Cannibal Corpse and that ilk of death metal for it.

You may notice that one eye is green….remind you of anything?

Until next time, Lovelies!

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Fuck, the SPAM!

This post will be tongue in cheek because I noticed my spam filter’s contents and EVERY single one of them had some form of medical shit from the science research perspective. I’m not even talking about the covid, lies, truths or other bullshit. Literally, they looked like this:

Here’s a man in a kilt. Oh wait, it’s ME! It’s less confusing than the spam folder for my WP.

~~~~Tetrastack: Colloidal diamond-inspired structure with omnidirectional photonic band gap for low refractive index. Sometimes they are able to discover methods to help the particular person regulate to changes of their ability to think. Obviously those sufferers presenting with a rash that itches present much less of a diagnostic concern Common itchy rashes in the aged include but are not limited to; – endogenous dermatitis (atopic, seborrhoeic, nummular, pompholyx) –~~~

I half expected some political spam since I posted Let’s Go…and I have to imagine that’s a popular catchphrase. Unless I missed the memeing on it, which I probably did. But #FJB didn’t catch any spam either.

So, Covid and #FJB aren’t memes anymore, the time has passed on those things. Do I need to mention that one country and that idiot invading to get relevant spam?

Oh, and the first page of my Spam filter has them all spamming Tina Donahue’s post. I adore that woman, but when did I post her release info? Wasn’t that back before the new year? Nope, wait. That post went up in 2019 right before I attended bartending school. Wow!

I went back through my stats and I’ll throw up the long form post later why I’m leaving THAT world, but the short version is because of growth, personal and professional, I will no longer be affiliated with the BDSM community. Not for business, anyway. Hell, I haven’t even been to our local dungeon in Atlanta, and I’ve been here since 2015. (Shit, the only mention of that move was here!) I think the last story I wrote in that world involved me ghostwriting something of an older male, younger (in her twenties) female situation, somehow involved Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, an MC, politicians turned BDSM bikers…and it was for cash up front. It was a glorious mess!

Most likely, I won’t be back to DragonCON or Frolicon, either. Those will probably be in the same post as my leaving BDSM professionally. Fuck, maybe mentioning those three terms in bold will get more traffic to my website. Gods know I could use it.

There’s an awful lot of moving parts to a Sascha Illyvich and each cog is getting the proper care to make sure it’s in the right place at the right time, because I AM a career author. I’ve seen a lot and I’ll probably document that in another long form post. I actually enjoy sharing them with you, particularly those of you who have been with me since 2000 or thereabouts when I started this journey. Jesus, was I really barely 22? Had I just come back from Hungary/Italy on my 21st birthday? Was I really in my first poly shit show of a relationship and on my way to live in California?

Fuck yeah I was.

And now? Georgia, but, the fuck if it’s the final stop!

I know, I know…I really need to update this blog more. I promise, I have plenty of updates coming. There’s the Sascha Illyvich move saga, book release stuff, Kel and Ember stuff….my hopeful retreats to Valencia, Spain…and maybe even a resurrection of my YouTube channel. I will not lie (here, heh heh heh), some of these long form posts have brief posts in my newsletter because I’m doing newsletter swaps with the wonderful women I met at RAM last year. Having a release from Decadent Publishing, the first in maybe five years, reminded me I need to use some of the older marketing techniques to spread the word about my books, especially the releases I’m considering much higher quality than when I first started publishing.

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My Tarot Journey

Did you know I’ve been reading Tarot since around 2005? I started with the Spiral Tarot Deck as a gift from my ex and, of course, the infamous ten card Celtic Cross spread while using the book. Over the last almost 20 years, I’ve continued to read cards for myself, for loved ones and the occasional client while deepening my relationship with what some may consider Source or Divinity. If you’ve been following my Instagram account, you have seen me post images from one of many decks I use to either get a bead on my reality, or look for guidance from Oracle decks like Ganesha or The Moon.

Uh-oh. DId someone cause a problem and did it resolve with sexy times? LOL!

I can’t quite remember how I gained an interest in the Tarot. On my mother’s side, her mother used to read the cards for my mother, but she used a regular playing deck. I don’t know how much is truth, especially with sites like now providing more details about our DNA, but I liked to at least pretend there was Romany in her blood because that’s the images I had of her while growing up. It fascinates me to think I come by my intuition naturally, whether it’s true. For most cards in the Spiral Tarot, I no longer have to look them up. The Court Cards still throw me a little, but what I find intriguing about the cards is how they seem to change meaning over time.

I don’t mean iconic cards like Death—which—rarely means a literal death, anyway. Cards like the 5 of Wands show struggle. When I first pulled this card, and until several years ago, it held a negative connotation. Struggle. A fight was ahead. Tough times, perhaps. When I reoriented my focus on the cards with serious renewed interest and began looking at other sources of information, education, my bias was confirmed with a big BUT. The thing I may have missed with this card is that the struggle itself might not be so serious. It might be a waste of time. Dig deeper into the card’s meaning and look beyond the superficial. It might be a mock struggle. Because I have a tendency to throw numerology into the mix, the card seemed chaotic, but years of note taking showed a less serious meaning.

The Seven of Swords in this deck pictures a man running with swords in his hand, as though he stole his lot. Maybe he did. Maybe he has his secrets and has good reason.

The Ten of Wands in this deck shows a woman hunched down in front of a brick wall with ten wands that appear to weigh her down. When drawing this card, I used to think the burden was coming and it would be heavy. Truth had it that yes, a burden existed but another view, perhaps a wiser one, shows that yes, the burden is here and it’s at an end. The cycle (tens) has run its course.

Who is taking the piss here? Me because the 4 of Pentacles fell out and I’m stuck? Or me, because the damn card I pulled shows me possibly on the defensive?

Some years ago, a loved one bought a second deck and gifted it to me. You may have seen me post about the 78 Mythical Tarot – a unique deck where artists came up with their interpretations of each card and crafted a visual piece around that vision. Imagine my shock at the beauty of these cards for one! Second, I don’t know how many of these artists are tarot readers, but I know they offered me another view entirely of the cards I know so well.

Looking at other interpretations also gave me insight into the details I’d miss looking at the Spiral Tarot because my eyes aren’t trained to look at visuals. I’m a writer, not an artist. (I know. Sod off! Don’t @ me!) Take The Lovers. Yes, an iconic card, but never had I realized the woman was looking above the man while he stared at her. I didn’t miss the more obvious symbolism. A humorous shocker was when both my sister and I were heavier drinkers, Temperance would always come up. Now, outside of the obvious, we would laugh at ourselves and realize that yes, we needed to cut back on our alcohol consumption. As we’ve done that, the card comes up and maybe it’s age and wisdom, maybe it’s intuition? I don’t know. But the card begs me to look past the superficial (drink) and ask much better questions to cut to the heart of things.

I’m not aiming to make a business out of reading Tarot. It’s nice for the occasional bottle of wine money or cigar money, but I’m a romance author. There are plenty of legitimate skilled tarot readers around. If you want my expertise, hit me up and I’ll do my best to provide my vision of an answer to your dilemma. If you want to see my card pulls, follow me on Instagram. Understand that for me, tarot is like my spirituality- it’s mainly for me and my personal growth. I won’t lie, I’ve experimented with writing a series based around the Tarot. It’s a somewhat common theme in romance. Maybe that’ll be another project some day.

Have you picked up your copy of Paula’s Craving yet? Let me ask you, would you take it, if offered a second chance at true love?



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Update AND Preorder Paula’s Craving!

First, an update because you may follow The Illyvich Apartment Saga. It continues here. (Hey, I should write that, ha!) It’s definitely been some time and what a fucking ride it’s been! By that I mean, did ya’ll see my FB post the other day about the fucking FIRE in this complex? No? Oh, let me share a pic of the third building in this complex to burn down in five years. First, it was the building literally 100 feet from mine, if even THAT far, that caught. Remember that? I came home from the cigar club and flames engulfed the entire fucking thing.

That was fun. There was another building, literally in front of the one I currently live in that caught 7 months to the DAY of that first fire. Oh, and someone said shit caught fire in 2015. GFY.

That’s The Villages at Kensington, Kensington Villages formerly known as Oak Tree Villas. I met the owner the other day and was told that they’re renovating this complex and it’s going to be a big job. Like, no shit? You inherited a shit show. Trust me, I’ve been around. The curious person/writer person in me has been through most of these buildings and seen just how much of a shit show actually exists. It’s astounding that someone can let something go on so horribly for so long doing nothing.

That isn’t how you make money.

Again, fuck the new WordPress editor.

Then, we ended up receiving a notice stating our lease was month to month and would either need to be renewed by May 1st/April 30th for a year at the new rent of $1,254 (no, fuck you) or go month to month at $1,454. Also, big fuck you. The new owner told me they were repairing, construction was commencing, and things would be better. Honestly? I’d love to believe them. The last owners were moving and grooving and then the covid shit hit, halting construction. I get that for a time, people needed to isolate, but after enough time had passed and we realized we needed to get back to work? I’m not even talking about six months AFTER. Fuck, take a fucking year if you need, but shit. Get back to work.

The scary thing was, I only have photos of the aftermath. I heard that someone slept through the first two hours of a two alarm fire and ended up stranded on their balcony. Or that the forest behind the fucking building caught. Or that a fire truck caught fire too. (How the fuck does that happen?) My Crone suggested electrical issues, then suggested if one building has them, they probably ALL have them.

But now? I’ve lost faith in rehabbing property unless it’s something I’m in charge of. So, we’re expediting our search for a new apartment to house us and the two kitties. I promised Ember and Kel we’d have a wonderful home for them.

You know what’s NOT bullshit though? This re-release from Decadent Publishing. You remember I had a handful of short stories that weren’t really suitable for me to spend all that time on doing the self-publishing work myself, nor spending the money on cover art. Instead, I submitted them to Decadent Publishing because they’d not only get a suitable home, but keep me engaged in publishing.I’m proud to announce that Paula’s Craving, the rewrite of my very first romance novel is available for preorder on Amazon right now! It will be released on March 17th!

Adversity brought them together, insecurity tore them apart. Can passion reunite Paula and Ryan, or will they both end up devastated?

With parents who preferred the needle to their only son, Ryan didn’t stand a chance to graduate high school. Until he met Paula and their friendship gave him the strength to fight. Their talk of the future together gave him hope until she left for college. Ryan did the only thing he knew how; he disappeared, unaware of his impact on Paula.

Fifteen years later, Ryan is at the top of his game as a developer in Real Estate. A chance encounter reunites him with Paula, but their one night of passion can only be that; one night. He’s damaged goods, and he knows it.

When Paula wakes up alone the morning after an amazing night with her former high school sweetheart, she vows to find him and demand to know why he left after sharing such incredible passion.

When Paula finally tracks Ryan down, she dares him to prove to her just how imperfect they are. Will giving his entire heart to her free him from the demons in his past, or will he break both of their hearts?

Chapter One

Paula wrapped her legs around Ryan’s hips, enjoying the friction of him pistoning inside her. His body blanketed hers. When he dipped his head down to claim her mouth, she tasted whiskey, smelled the heady, masculine scent mixed with the aroma of their lovemaking.

Trailing kisses down her chin, Ryan nibbled over her flesh, making each nerve stand and beg for his attention.

She tightened her thighs, gripped his broad shoulders, and let him fill her to the brim repeatedly while he caressed her breast.

He pinched and drew the nipple into his mouth, forcing a moan from her.

She arched upward, loving the slick action of his lips and the flick of his tongue over her nipple.

He caressed her hips, glided in and out, rocking against her so he hit her clit just the right way.

Tightness swelled in her belly; every bit of her burned for him. She tangled fingers in his long blond hair and tried to bring his mouth to hers.

He murmured something against her then licked a trail of heat up her chest, her collarbone, before finally stopping at her ear.

“Baby, I’m so glad.” Her chest heaved with each word. “Finally!”

Ryan stopped mid thrust, stiffened against her, and jerked his head up.

“What?” She opened her eyes and met his gaze, finding the fierceness and some other emotion in the depths of his admiral-blue irises.

The mask returned to his face, and Ryan started moving rhythmically.

Paula’s breath hitched, and she dug her nails into his arms. Moving her hands jerkily down until she reached his waist, she clenched onto him, urging him to thrust harder.

“So close.” She threw her head back, eyes focused on his. “So close. Come with me, Ryan. Come with me!”

He took advantage of her open mouth and captured her lips, thrusting his tongue at the same speed as his cock.

Every movement seemed to be for her. Hell, even after all this time apart, she swore they fit together perfectly.

She clawed at him, urging him toward release while each thrust opened her heart more to the man she knew was meant for her.

He impaled her once more, sending her over the edge.

Paula stiffened, moaning his name while caressing Ryan’s large frame. “Come, baby!”

He did, his release jetting deep inside.

She squeezed him harder, digging her heels into his ass while she ran her fingers through his thick, blond hair and stroked him.

He settled down, heart thundering against her chest when he relaxed into her. His eyelashes fluttered against her skin, tickling her.

A few minutes passed. Paula shifted Ryan off of her, tugged off the used condom, and discarded it. Someday, she’d like to feel him explode inside her.

Padding over to the bathroom, she grabbed a washcloth, cleaned herself off, and sauntered back to the bed in her Vegas hotel room. Looking at Ryan’s muscular body made her heart flutter. The fall of his hair over his face softened his features.

It had been fifteen years since they’d seen each other, but she’d never forgotten the man who stole her heart in high school. She’d seen through his enigmatic, morose personality when they’d first started talking.

He’d been real with her, something the rest of the world hadn’t been at the time.

Paula crawled back into bed beside him, and he clutched her possessively. His legs entwined with hers and he pressed his body against her, wrapping himself around her.

A smile crossed her lips as she closed her eyes and let the sound of his even breathing send her into dreamland.


The next morning, Paula woke up to an empty space beside her. No note, no remnants that he’d even been there, nothing.

Ryan had disappeared.


She clenched her teeth and bit back tears at the thought that he’d give her an incredible time then have no problem leaving without so much as a kiss goodbye.

That didn’t seem like the Ryan she’d known from high school. Well, on the one hand, he seemed like his old self, but the other bit? Him leaving after he’d bared his soul to her?

Words weren’t said, but his touches spoke volumes to her heart more than anything.

Running into him at a fundraising event her company had provided wine for had made her heart skip a beat. After all this time, he’d grown into a very handsome man. His long hair, formerly shaggy and in his face, had been pulled back loosely; her fingers itched to stroke it and feel it over her body. He’d traded in his grunge/metal clothing for tailored suits he’d filled out quite nicely.

When she’d approached him, he turned, offering her the same smile he’d given her in high school. Her heart continued to pound against her chest until she forced herself to calm down.

The look in his eyes revealed just how much he’d missed her, too. Yes, those bright-blue eyes sparkled like diamonds. For the event Ryan had to put on a show as a major donor so he was smiles and waves for the camera. She didn’t miss the sadness, though, or the longing.

It made her wonder why he continued to run from the very people who loved him.

They’d talked. Or rather, he’d talked. Said things in a new voice.

It looked like he’d found some semblance of confidence.

The deep timbre of his voice had made her mouth dry and liquid pool between her thighs.

When the band struck up a tune she liked, he’d automatically taken her hand and asked for a dance.

She couldn’t refuse. In fact, spending so much time so close to him only made her feel like he’d held her soul, not just her body or libido.

By the way he moved, she assumed he had to feel it, too.

When he dipped his head to kiss her, the reaction of his body to hers confirmed her thoughts. His kiss penetrated her essence, marking her as his. Even with the softness of his mouth on hers, that male possessiveness came through, soaking her panties.

Then he asked if she wanted to leave.

Paula could only nod.

After a magnificent three-day romp, she swore they’d reconnected, but as he’d done before, he left.

Paula sat up and wiped away tears she couldn’t stop and steadied her resolve. After fifteen years of lost time, they’d finally reunited, and her heart felt the happiest it had in forever. “You’re not getting away from me, Ryan.”

Preorder for a March 17th delivery on Amazon

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Rabbit Rabbit and Covid!

Yup, Your boy got the coof. Two days of being down, asleep in bed for much of the day, coughing, exhaustion and fever. It started last Wednesday night. I started off with a shit day because my main large monitor finally kicked the bucket. So, on top of my HP CPU fan having an issue, the monitor dies, leaving me to teach and write/edit on my ThinkPad.

Now that machine is a BEAST, but it’s still a 14-inch monitor and it’s great, but I’m still visuallyendangered-2020 impaired. It caused a strain on my eyes and I thought I simply had a headache at the end of the night. By the time I finished watching Tastytrade and my nightly cigar, I was shaking. The good thing that came out of Wednesday was this ginger, turmeric chicken soup I made in my wok! So much aroma floating around the apartment! Yay!

We went to bed and the next morning, Crone and I speculated how I could have gotten sick and if it was in fact the Covid. I kept saying no. Friday I woke up starving. I got out of bed, fed both kitties and pull out beef stew meat because I was DYING for red meat and the only thing I could fathom might have been Hungarian Goulash.

Saturday I felt better. Still foggy in the head, that lasted until Sunday. By this time, younger lover had developed symptoms and on Monday took a home test. It read positive for the Coof and she said we both have it. Well, I had it. Now, I have this annoying cough that’s lingering because I’m a cigar smoker and it’s been cold outside. Oh, and this damn rash, too. But other than that, fluids, tea, Quercetin, Zinc etc. and more food. Plus, I started drinking two cups of bone broth a day. I need the micronutrients and collagen.

Younger lover hasn’t been so lucky, but that’s another tale.

Heels - Skirt- ass

Because you didn’t expect this? It’s ME!

This past weekend I started writing again. I was itching to get back to making the words, so I started Istvan and Isabella’s book, formally book two in my Nights of Lust series. Long time readers know this book initially had been written back in 2006 but never saw publication. Endangered had been published by the now defunct Venus Press, then Red Sage, then the now defunct City Lights, before I finally asked Lia Davis to create a cover for the vampire/werewolf novel so I could put it back up.While Endangered has gone through a myriad of edits and changes, Cursed was the story I wrote that needed to be ripped apart and dissected. So, I said fuck it! Time to rewrite from the ground up with all the new knowledge I’d gained at RWA on creating characters with emotional flaws I could exploit during sex to ramp up the inner conflicts! Yay tormented characters! LOL!

In between Endangered and Cursed, I wrote a novel that started out life as “Separated Self” and finally became An Alpha Torn. The quick and dirty synopsis is:

After waking his beast and realizing he needed training to control his violent impulses, Josef is escorted to Hungary to be part of a dying pack where he must fight for every scrap of dignity, every morsel of food. His only solace? The pack omega, a sweet, damaged girl who bonded to him the instant he set foot on Lake Balaton land. But there’s danger afoot when Syndicate thugs have followed Josef to cause chaos wherever he is.

How will Josef balance his training with his newfound heart relationships? Will he forsake Livia and Isabella for Kissa? Can he save the pack from impending vampire threats?

It’s an equally hard novel just like Endangered, but it’s shorter (by about thirty thousand words) and has more sweet moments. It’ll explain a lot when you read Cursed. And I’ll release it once I can afford to grab a cover for it from Lia Davis.

Oh, that was something fun today too! Before I drew my daily Tarot card, my Crone called, and we had a brainstorming session about Cursed that has me pumped to write the story and even more so to release it for your pleasure. I had plenty of internal conflict developed despite the characters being seventeen years old, but my external conflict needed some assistance and I really think you’ll dig where this story goes. Also, I upped the violence. Vampires and wolves get their hands dirty, and not just by throwing magic at their opponents. Think Dracula’s rampage in season one of Castlevania. Blood, guts, gore, it’s all on the page. Don’t worry, it won’t be overblown, but as pissed as I am about so many things…well, this is the outlet I can legally use to push those demons away.

There’s a good chance that on top of this novel, I plan to start what’s currently titled Razed in Lustre, the third and final book in the Protectors Trilogy since I finished Crossing the Rubicon back in Dec. My Fae/werewolves will see the light of publication soon!

Oh, one last piece of news. I finally published Riding Tempest. You can grab your copy here.

Riding Temptest-HighResAbout Riding Tempest: Tempest needs one more payday to stop hauling cargo on the violent roads in Faery. Biker gang violence forces Tempest to ally herself with the very MC originally trying to steal her cargo. Can she trust Jonas to protect her or will he turn out to be another dirtbag outlaw who breaks her heart?

In order to save his ailing sister, Jonas, thief of the Undead Souls MC, must find a Halfling vampire-faery for her blood. His luck comes up when word arrives that one such faery is hauling valuable cargo, motorcycles with multidimensional travel capabilities that can aid the MC in returning to their realm. Can he convince Tempest to help his sister while remaining loyal to his MC? Or will newfound passion turn deadly?

Happy February and Blessed Imbolc!

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Let’s go, Let’s go, Kel and Ember Kitty!

Ha! You probably expected that other popular slogan, didn’t you? I will say if there was a meme slogan that identified how I feel about the new WordPress editor, I’d use it. But both cats are happy and healthy, making me a responsible adult as we sail into 2022!

Kel rarely cuddles, but at 3:15 on the 29th, she crawled into my lap.
Ember rarely cuddles, but at 3:15 on the 29th, she crawled into my lap.

A lot has gone on since my last long-form post. Our living situation has gone from annoying to bad enough that I no longer want to be in this apartment. The cats are fine. The younger lover recovered fully from her surgery and is back to work. I hate comma splices. I’ve started the year off with a bang. Thank you Four-Sigmatic Perform Coffee and Bulletproof Brain Octane! Everything was golden on the 4th. I went over some Skye Warren materials for my career roadmap, began digging deeper into what I wanted to release this year, and began playing with plot and characterization, despite the fan in my HP needing a replacement. Thank gods I have an iPad Pro and my old ThinkPad T430. The 5th of January, I woke up, started making coffee for myself, only to open the cupboard to retrieve our Bulletproof Collagen protein and discover the start of a nest of bugs. We’ve been getting them steadily over time, but it was one here, one there. Then it became an everyday occurrence. If you lived with me, you’d know that I sacrificed being a cleaning Nazi to just keeping the apartment clean enough that my head remains clear. But that sight yesterday disgusted me.

We were aiming for a Charlotte/Asheville move, but the younger lover’s job is forcing her to come into the offices in Norcross. I finally told her that “Fuck it, we’ve been having a difficult time finding a place in this area within our price range, or one that’s close to mass transit. If you can find us places in Norcross or the surrounding area that work out for the time being, let’s do it.”

It would be a sacrifice in that I don’t currently drive and that area of the Atlanta suburbs isn’t as highly populated with any sort of cigar or bar scene I know of, at least not compared to Decatur. Mass transit is a fucking joke, too. I will get my driver’s license and hopefully not have to fight for my class M. And no, I don’t want to hear it, no one knows what I can see and cannot see outside of me. I had a license in Texas, and I had one in California. Remember, I had to suffer through Driver’s Ed at 38 years of age and to not only sit in a classroom where I shouldn’t discuss my previous evening plans, but the students weren’t even born when Princess Di passed.

Kel is a happy kitty too and says yes to 2022!

At least the school was near a Five-Guys burger joint.

That’s the only way a move will make sense. But I’m tired of the nonsense of living in this dead complex. The Oak Tree Villas, now The Villages at Kensington, have been problematic way before I was a tenant. Hopefully, they’re bulldozing this fucking land and putting up condos to sell. I will miss my lake view, ducks and geese, and large beautiful woods of old, but with staff changes, no new construction, fucking bugs? Not all of my electrical outlets work. Nor do I need to go on about the paint that SUCKS. It’s a pleasant color, but you can’t clean it for shit. It comes off too easily. As of this post; the complex doesn’t have hot water. Don’t get me started on the talk I had with security and the dead bodies, along with coked up bitches he’s pulled out of empty units. Or the gunshots that, while don’t come from this complex anymore, still happen because fools wanna fool. It all messes with one’s mind and I can only kill off so many characters in a novel at one given time! Believe me, when I was working on Addicted to You (Remix) I tried to drop as many bodies as realistically feasible to the plot while still satisfying my newfound enjoyment of Cannibal Corpse.

In the meantime?

I feel confident that not only do I have the tools to help, but I have three releases planned for this year, with maybe a fourth, depending on what I decide. The first novel will be an updated re-release of my Undead Souls MC novel, Riding Tempest, that came out with the I Love Vampire Novels boxed set back in 2018. I’m adding new content to the story because while I felt it was solid as it was, it can be a more passionate tale between Tempest, the half vampire-faery, and Jonas, the vampire biker thief for the Undead Souls MC.  

Here’s the original blurb:

In order to save his ailing sister, Jonas, the thief of the Undead Souls MC must find a halfling vampire-faery for her blood. His luck comes up when word arrives that one such faery is hauling valuable cargo, motorcycles with multidimensional travel capabilities that can aid the MC in returning to their realm. Can he convince Tempest to help his sister while remaining loyal to his MC?
Tempest needs one more payday to stop hauling cargo on the violent roads in Faery. Biker gang violence forces Tempest to ally herself with the very MC originally trying to steal her cargo. Can she trust Jonas to protect her or will he turn out to be another dirtbag outlaw who breaks her heart?

I know some time back; I did a cover reveal. It will get an update. The blurb will get an update. I realized while working on Skye’s material that I already had a trilogy that simply needed editing and cover art. After RWA, I purchased ProWritingAid and while it isn’t perfect, it’ll still put my mind in the right frame to work on editing. And in writing the followup stories in the Undead Souls MC trilogy, I think I grew as a writer and learned a lot about my process. My plotting style has shifted too.

The first book in my Nights of Lust series

I’ll be working with the fabulous Lia Davis to get covers for the Undead Souls trilogy. Oh, a decision I came to while at RAM? Nicholas from Endangered/An Alpha Torn will get his story finally. It’ll be fun to see how he and Isabella butt heads! I will complete that trilogy of vampire/werewolf passion. More on that in another post. If you were curious about Honey Badger One in my Burning Desires series (The Bodyguard, Saint in Sinner’s Eyes,) he’s also getting a story. I have a lot to put together, but I’m super thrilled to be back to work on these projects.

Once I get a few sheckles, I’ll pick up modern HQN Desires releases to get a better feel for their style. I still have a heart in contemporary erotic romance. You’ll be able to find me actively online starting January 12th in the Author Ad School FB group, helping and going through Amazon Ads again. Oh, and I may be found locally at Fellaship-ATL on the 14th for the One Year birthday of ATL Cigar Co.

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RWA 2021

Shit like this ( #RWA2012 ) always leaves me in a bit of an emotional state because the support is overwhelming. I’ve been a lone wolf for my ENTIRE CAREER as a Male Romance Author. I mean I’ve had help, soulmates who can and have helped, publishing industry folks who have helped (I’ve got a sub for you, Lori Perkins) and forwarded my career, but at the end of the day?Me and Kel

It’s me.

First off, let’s make this about me so I don’t start crying over how wonderful RWA was.

My class went swimmingly. It was pre-recorded because I’m a Johnny and I wanted to make them proud to have had me. I was able to chat in real-time with attendees and answer questions. Plus, they gave me some things to think about for my full-length Male POV class, and while in the shower, I had a few a-ha moments. But then again, my students are always great. The zoom Q/A portion was smooth once we figured out why I was upside down, but I apologize for being caffeinated. Next time, I’m going to do it with notes, and do it live. But, live and learn. Thanks to my moderator.

I had a packed schedule because this was my first time. I enjoyed the virtual aspect for numerous reasons but I’m hoping to be an in-person presenter next year. So many seminars, a lot of overlap because that’s writing. You need to understand characterization for Male POV, sexual tension, plot…etc. But the presenters were fun. Naimi Simone was a HOOT! OH! And did I mention I was able to talk to TWO of the women who inspired me to get into this business?

YES! Susan Elizabeth Phillips and Rebecca York (Susan is a BLAST!) are romance authors I read when I first started and both gave some great information. Like, ya’ll know me. I’m the No. 1 badass Alpha. I own everything, I’m the G.O.A.T.

290720131673I log in and see S. E. P. and I’m like EEEEEE!!!!!!!!! It didn’t get any better with Rebecca York because again, EEEE!!!! SO COOL! So much for G.O.A.T. status LOL! I have a LOT to think about. A LOT to do this week.

OH! And HOPEFULLY, especially after seeing her talk, I get to cross a thing off my bucket list and work with Brenda Chin. I swore 18 years ago maybe?, I’d someday be someone she edited and taught. Plus, her talk was dope AF, as the kids say.

While the speakers were incredible, what was also cool was finding some folks who graduated before I did from the SAME HIGH SCHOOL! What are the odds?

In the past, I’ve done what I suppose I’ll consider “fuck off conventions.” Shit that strokes my ego. Sometimes literally…

Industry conventions I’ve always been an outsider to and even then, those made me emotional because I was there on business for Radio Dentata, but the overwhelming support can make even the hardest alpha (me) get in his feels. I’m possibly doing a FB Live this week and I’ll tell the story about Diane Whiteside, Kate Douglas and troublemaker, Treva Harte and how I almost lost my shit because again, MY heroes at an industry con were pushing me, welcoming me.

They had a tough job, the RWA staff. Did a damn fine job though.  And I couldn’t be busier even though it’s Thanksgiving week!  Add that in with all the work I have planned thanks to the wonderful folks at #RAM2021 and yeah, can you say busy as fuck author?

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Romance Author Mastermind 2021

And thus ends RAM 2021. It was hard, it was easy, it was fun, it was enlightening. It was another step in my career. It was another step forward.

It was progress.

It is new friendships.

It is one more step in learning how NOT to be a lone wolf in my career. Yes, I have my friends but I rarely reach out for actual fucking HELP. I simply don’t do that. I’ve done it here and there for releases and some brainstorming but never in the same capacity as other authors have approached me. I’m happy to help them, b the way. But I don’t know what I’m looking for.

I have my work wives (west coast and east coast) but “West Coast work wife” has a life and I don’t want to bother…and the east coast work wife is too busy with stonks LOL! Seriously though, I know it’s me. I JUST told the chat at RAM’s closing remarks you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. If you don’t ask, you don’t receive. I’m a proud romance author. Do you know how many death metal concerts I could attend and how many fans of romance I’d find? Actually…a few. Many of the women into death metal or the subgenres are into PNR…I know “men should read sci-fi or fantasy or literary.”

First off, FUCK literary. It bores the FUCK out of me. Second, Have we met? My background is Hungarian and on top of that, I’m a goddamn CANCER so can you say HELLO EMOTIONAL TRAIN WRECK? LOL! Let’s feel ALL THE DAMN THINGS!

I owned the first 45 or so titles when Harlequin launched the now-defunct BLAZE line. I could identify with the sex (hello, male!) and then I was shown that there could be angst too. Julie Leto and JoAnne Rock were early inspirations. Cherry Adair too. So I started with Christine Feehan and Laurel K. Hamilton. I forgot who offhand, that it was but some author I read had characters that were FUCKEDUP. Might have been Kenyon’s Acheron (before his book), might have been JR Ward…no. Wait. Someone…was it Lora Leigh? I don’t remember. But those heroes were, screw flawed, they were FUCKED UP like I was. Yet they got a HEA.

Something I thought was NEVER possible. I know better now.

But I’ve been SCREAMING at emptiness as an author with the backlist, career length I have had for something to…I don’t know? Fix my shit? The wrong tactic, wrong though, I know. I have a better idea now that I’ve been thinking about this in terms of how I move. One of the presenters talked about your personality type and while that shifts, the thing is? You are your…past inspirations isn’t quite the right terminology for it, but you are the product of what you have been given. What I have been given was authors who worked old school, 20 years to a career when success hit and it ‘felt’ like overnight, but it wasn’t. It was rejection after rejection to the point where many of my heroes could wallpaper their houses with the letters of rejection. I was lucky. I only have rejections from agents and not even that many. But they played the long game, the marathon. I never thought being a long-distance runner in high school would have the implications on my mindset that it has, but here I am. Twenty years later, bitching, but not quitting. Screaming, but not giving up. Or maybe I’m screaming NOT to give up. The jury is out on that currently. But I have a lot of things to consider that relate to my last post, courtesy of RAM.

But I suppose if I had to name this feeling, I’d say I’m feeling raw. Exposed, because I let loose a few tears at the closing remarks. Skye talked about our Hero’s Journey and how we’ve gone through it. She would be 100% right. I don’t like this though. It’s open, too open.

But I know better internally. (also, I should probably eat something. Bulletproof coffee is good but…)

RAM was a touch base with a few authors I’ve known along the way. RAM was pissing me off because Lucy Score’s keynote was pissing me off because she was RIGHT and I HATE crying. Hell, years ago at TNEE I met a woman who owned my ENTIRE BACKLIST and would have lost my shit if not for my Beautiful Crone being there…because I’m grateful for every fan. Every single one.

RAM was a wonderful event and a chance to grow.

RAM was incredible.

RAM was intense.

Now, RAM is over and I can go outside with a cigar and a beer…or ask the younger lover for us to get a bottle of wine (I still have Goulash, power move, stew the weekend of the virtual conference!) for tonight and I can process. Because these are my people. And like my fans, I’m grateful for each and every single one of you. Thank you Skye, Becca, et. al.

I can tie this back into passion. Upset isn’t the right word, confusion? No…new friend Xio Axelrod, may be able to articulate how I might feel about shit that moves us? Shit we’re passionate about?

My last long-form post mentioned cigars and alcohol and those two industries keep telling me I belong with them. When I fell on hard emotional times, Tastytrade (brokerage) had my back. Going forward, they support my trading with responsible emails and a lot of snark. I dig that shit.

I wonder what the wonders of RWA Nationals will reveal when I’m a presenter in two weeks. I can only imagine. So, I’m following my passion. Now it’s time to plan. Tuesday. After the house is cleaned on Monday. Because it’s a warzone…and well after First Call.

As Strongman Brian Shaw says, “Be great.”

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Rabbit Rabbit! (Or, Change in the House of Wolves)

I know, this is hella late but I was in Reno for a wedding. The only other person I’ve known longer than Lover Mine was a buddy of mine who I’ve known since 2nd Grade. Last year during our bullshit power outage here at the apartment, he’d IM’d me on Facebook and asked if I’d be his best man. Naturally, I’m THE best man, so hellz yeah I accepted.

Before I left, I finished the first novel I’ve written from scratch since Lover Mine passed away. I’m pretty happy with the progress; it tops out at just over 91,000 words. It’s fairly complicated but the edits will make it better. From a technical standpoint, I love how it came together and the plot worked out so it’s a more complex story than you’re used to getting from me. I feel like the characters are deeper, the plot more clever, and the story is my most solid to date.img_0761

I can’t remember when but I did start a project for the Harlequin Desire line. A friend of mine I had mentioned in this video talked about me writing for HQN and that’s been a dream of mine since my early days as an erotica author. I’ve taken stabs in the past but something always derailed me.

No more. In personal news, we’re moving soon, probably to Charlotte or Asheville NC. More on the personal why later, but the apartment complex I live in is a shit hole. Like Detroit. Or Portland. And the investor who bought the property with good intentions of turning it into luxury living either has shithead people working for him, he made a bad investment and can’t find financing, bought the COVID nonsense for too long, hell. No one knows. But they are not currently renewing leases and it feels like they’re trying to empty the complex out.

I love Atlanta but have very little in the way of ties here. I have wonderful memories, my first apartment alone, lot of experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world. Even the negative ones. But in the last few months, a few things have been made clear to me.

I said I was going to go back into IT so I could generate all this cash for ads, self-publishing, a better life. Honestly, I put $10 into a course I would recommend for those going after their Cisco CCNA, and too many wasted hours. I put more wasted hours on Professor Messor’s site trying to get down shit I learned when I was 19 years old while spending another $50 plus shipping on a CompTIA book for that certification.

It’s been almost six months and as my beautiful and perspicacious Crone said to me on a recent phone call, “You wanted it that bad, you’d have done it by now.” She knows I sink my teeth into things I want to do. I’ve been feeling like, man. Fuck, I need to get back to those things but I really need to finish the HQN novel by end of year, and I needed to finish Addicted to You (Remix) as well. I NEEDED that. Badly. No, the death of #OwnHerHeart didn’t stop my writing, but it didn’t help. I spent time going over old shit, rewriting old shit, editing old shit, looking at old shit with fresh (read: drunk or hungover sometimes) eyes, wasting time, wishing, wanting. In short, being fucking USELESS as a writer. Sure, I worked at the cigar shop, but I can’t remember if I was writing while at Bhojanic or not. The only thing I know of is that I did an interview for Elle Greco that can be found on Spotify here. Elle, sorry I didn’t push this more once you sent me the link. But before my heart surgery, I had started Addicted to You, wrote the first 20k, and thought, fuck this shit. The heroine isn’t going to work for me. But I was writing like I used to. Then, surgery, cigar events, recovery, some hard lessons, and back to the grind with a new heroine. Anastasia works for me in ways that Lisa couldn’t but I’ll detail that later.

Saint in Sinners Eyes-HighRes

Saint in Sinner’s Eyes – A spy protecting shapeshifters. A rogue operative targeting a high profile crime boss. When worlds collide, will either escape with their life in tact?

Between doctor visits, life shit, more doctor visits for both younger lover and me; the novel dragged on but I made progress. Daily when I could, but as frequent as possible when I couldn’t. Then, I’d finished it in mid-October.

Before I finished that novel, I’d had a chance to work for the folks at ATL Cigar Co. They did an event launching the Magic, a wonderful, medium to full-bodied, full-flavored cigar that blew my mind when I was given a sample. The message I was hearing after talking to many people I knew was becoming clear with each cigar event I did.

You see, I kept asking to stay in Cigars and Alcohol – things I’m passionate about. Things I know like the back of my hand. I told Peter of ATL Cigar Co., “Dude if you can find a way to help me stay in this industry, I’d be in your debt.” Actually, I think I said, “Keep me here, don’t let me go into fucking IT!”

My baby Crone is right. A move to NC has different opportunities and it is a cigar/alcohol friendly state.

By the way, for comparison: Know how much I spent on my writing career so far? Honest investments.

  • $420 for Amazon Ad School
  • $700 for Romance Author Mastermind (this weekend, yaassss girl!)
  • $450 for e-book covers and print covers for The Bodyguard and Saint in Sinner’s Eyes, along with FB banner/ad stuff/cover art for Riding Tempest.
  • $600 (I’m guessing, I know it was a lot) for Skye Warren’s FB Ads for Romance authors.
  • $200 on FB ads during the month-long Skye Warren class
  • $400 (maybe? rounding up) for Amazon Ads over a year and a half.
  • $100 on Scrivener for two laptops, my iPhone and iPad

This doesn’t account for money spent on books for research or craft.  Or tech.  Like the $1,000 upgraded iPad Pro 4th Gen because my 1st Gen was dying.  Or the $200 Logitech keyboard/case so I wouldn’t have to lug my HP around if I wanted to edit/write.

And I plan for more. IT was a quick fix because it is my background.  But can you see what I’ve done?  For once, having the capital, I put it where my fucking heart is.  I have personal reasons for going back into IT as well, but my Crone said “that’s all bullshit.”  And she’s right.  You can see my priorities based on where my money is spent.

Oh, and let’s not forget that I submitted a bunch of short stories to Decadent Publishing.  We’re working on cover art for Paula’s Craving under MY name.  Edits are complete already.

I’ve put a few feelers out in Asheville and Charlotte for bar gigs and cigar lounges to hang out and work at.  There are some possibilities.  No promises, but I’m putting in the work now and even working part time would give me time and capital to work with toward my publishing career.  Don’t worry, I’m still trading. Steady capital will help that too.  I made money in 2020 and only fucking Blackberry blew most of my account out.  I was greedy a week later, probably sure I mentioned this in another post.

I have to catch some lectures from Romance Author Mastermind this weekend.  With my career, one truth prevails.

I’m all in.

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A Quick Five

For those of you on my email list, do ya’ll remember when I tried to copy Tim Ferriss’s Five Bullet Fridays? That’s hard to do when you are low income LOL! Things have changed since the move, since the surgery, life has been more abundant and I’m definitely grateful. This year I’ve embarked more into my Witchy side, which, for many of you, may seem out of context but really? Have ya’ll READ my novels? LOL!

Kel Kitty!

This won’t entirely be a list of “five things I’m discovering” per se, but just a random shit I’m picking up because it has helped some aspect of my life. Be it biohacking or the kitties, some aspect of my life has been improved by a little research because hey, Google is your friend, right?

Ya’ll know as I’ve mentioned before, we have kitties. Honestly, I’m a dog person but having these two little babies in my life has been a godsend. While I’m getting back into my physical fitness, I still have a split stairwell to haul things up. Groceries, no problem because it’s a one and done trip with bags in one hand and it’s old hat because of my old apartment. The younger lover however, saw a better solution with Chewy for us to get cat stuff. Their customer service is incredible. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve made money on the stock! They cater to our picky cats and honestly? The way we stock up, it won’t hurt for them to send us a bulk order once every few months. I’m not a Strongman so I’m not trying to carry 50 lb. bags of cat litter up the stairs like they’re Atlas Stones. (yet!)

Even though I’ve cut my drinking down by about 75% or so, I still take N-Acetyl Cysteine. I know it’s being removed from a lot of retailers because the FDA has their heads up their asses. It has other benefits outside of liver repair and is a building block for glutathione. That’s a very important building block for our mitochondria if you’re following Dave Asprey’s education. Ever since I started trying to redesign my life, I’ve dug deeper into aspects of biohacking because when it’s all said and done from this perspective, I want to write better and better stories. I need my mind to be at its peak because the type of work I’m creating lately, I feel is just better. I was picking up my pills from Puritan but they stopped carrying it. Luckily, iHerb still carries NAC. Pretty thrilled about the prices too. I’ve been adding extra vitamins to my regimen as of late because I have no desire to grow odd and die. I’d rather grow and call it on my own.

Da Ember Libertad!

I’ve been a fan of bulletproof coffee for the last two years and it’s really made a huge difference in my productivity, especially since the surgery. IF I had to swear by one inexpensive product or component of the bulletproof coffee as I make it, it would be the coffee alone, only because the brain octane is a highly concentrated version of coconut oil and has a tendency to screw my stomach up if I don’t drink my coffee slowly. But the mushroom coffee alone? Four-Sigmatic’s THINK with Lion’s Mane and Chaga would be it. For heart patients, depending on (and I’m not a licensed physician) would be the way to go. I’ve put the powder into brownies and other baked goods and really enjoyed the mental boost. It’s been cool because when I WAS more self-destructive, I felt the enhancements and really lamented the days when I didn’t have it. But now? Well, it’s amazing to sit down for the two to three hours a day and put out quality words on the page because I’m hoping to level up. I have a lot to share as I’ve stated, and there’s even an upcoming Youtube video or three detailing the new work, along with some plans for the future.

Harney and Sons tower of Tea, gourd, bombilla, and Annapark Yerba Mate!

Lastly, I don’t do this every afternoon as much as I’d like, but I’ve gotten more into tea. The Pu-Erh is actually a low level nootropic, which I didn’t know until I’d read more on it. And I know there are a plethora of tea blenders and retailers and all that, but I’m new to this. I’m not sure I’ve noticed a huge difference in productivity and the other thing about the Pu-erh I’m drinking now is that my current roster includes a much more complex version than what I used to pick up from an Asian market in the Bay Area. To be fair, when I first moved here, the older lover sent me a pound of yerba mate and I was literally drinking a pot a day because it was the only nootropic I had access to. Remind me one day, I’ll have to post a video here about the day I ended up with a pot of mate and then one of the girlfriends sent me a sample of mushroom coffee. It was fucking hilarious!

I know, I know, it wasn’t a quick five, it was more a diatribe. I promise, more relevant stuff coming. OH! Wait, I DO have publisher news of sorts. First off, Decadent Publishing has picked up a number of my older titles that no longer had homes since a particular publisher didn’t tell me they were closing their doors and I had all my rights back. Second, I’m in the process of obtaining cover art for the print version of Saint in Sinner’s Eyes. That’ll be up for sale on Amazon soon.

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