What have I been thinking since all this bullshit started?

I don’t miss the old way of life that I thought I was after. Swore it was simply to write and finally make it as an author after years of struggle, like so many of my heroes did, but I was missing out on stability due to the choices I made in various undertakings.

I simply missed the concept of having my bills paid, and being able to spend money as I need or want.

I’m about to recharge my writing career – a career I’ve loved for the better part of 20 years. I’ve only taken 8 months off, back in 2018 and I forced a novel finished for three people. When the new year came about, I had plans.

Those fell by the wayside.

Shit changed.

Then, things started to look up but I was still a little lost. Maybe it was financially tied, maybe not. But my goal has ALWAYS been to make it as a successful author. My current and only contribution to the global world is that I through my romance novels, sell hope.

That has been my big, audacious goal, only adding trading to it because I love it so much.

I’ve ALWAYS had the love, the care from others, the concern, the connections. Now? The important ones have deepend, others have fallen off as a result of focus and people changing, and some of us growing in different directions.

Now? Bullshit caused another change, which can either force me to make a choice, or yearn for an old life. Why would I say forced? Because you make the decision you have to if you want the life you really want – because as the quote goes:

“Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.” – Pulled from Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss. The quote is not his. Highly recommended read, by the way.

It’s kinda like extra curricular work in school – it’s not really a choice if you’re ambitious about your life.

The ultimate question is, how do you want to live your life? Really? Because most people don’t have a clue, as they haven’t spent time trying to actively design it. They always put themselves on the back burner. That’s not fair nor is it going slamming into the grave having spent time thinking, “God DAMN, that was fun shit.”

Again, with the fear. I choose to believe it’s False Evidence Appearing Real. And I’m not talking about the fear the media has sold you. I mean your deep, dark, personal, instilled in you, sold to you, bought by you, conquerable by you, fears.

Also, “Don’t believe a thought you think.” – T. Harv Ecker.

So I’m not reclaiming what I missed. No way. Instead, I’m going after what I want and desire. I’m back in the kitchen doing what I love. I’m making drinks at home with no expectations. I’m experimenting with biohacknig more now, including looking at the Modern Silva method. I’m about to start reading a book on anti-aging because someone told me, “I love you.” I’m playing more with my cast iron wok and Chinese cuisine, and looking to expand into more Asian cuisine, as well as Indian (since I did bartend at a dope Indian spot.)

I’m taking chances. Even my soon to start ad spend on FB is a chance. I’ve told the younger Lover, “I always bet on the winning horse.”

Btw, in both their cases, I always win. Yet, I, even as YUGE as my ego is, sometimes forget to bet on me. So now? I’m listening to what Option trading has taught me. Take the fucking risk.

I’m 42 and I’m fucking fabulous, growing moreso, every day.

How about you?