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I had an incident the other day that required me to think really hard about fiction vs. reality in the BDSM realm.  The run in involved a fan of that 50 Shades nonsense that’s passing for erotic fiction these days.  The person loved the book and from what I understand, Christian Grey is quite the dominant.

Only he’s fantasy.

The thing about that is that in reality, those men do exist and those scenarios do happen, frequently.  There are whole sites dedicated to the fetish world.  The problem with this was, the person I spoke to saw pictures of what “I” as a top do for my bottoms.

This is relevant to the writers world from several points of view.  First, the marketing aspect.  If you’re truly a fetish person AND a fetish writer, even if it’s erotic romance, you’re going to have a hard time selling to the mainstream unless you can pull off what E. L. James did and let the world know you’re not really kinky and that it’s really twilight fanfic gone mainstream without ripping off Twilight blatantly.  Many fetish authors aren’t fetish and couldn’t really deal in the fetish world.

For our writers, a few definitions:
Top=the one doing.  Not necessarily a Dominant, but not the one being done to
Bottom=the one being done to.  Not necessarily a submissive but not the one doing.

Dominant and submissive can imply a power exchange.

The writer in me wants to go into my local dungeon, notepad and pen in hand and ask questions, take notes.  Basically, the writer in me would put the Kinky Kontingent under a microscope. The Dominant in me wants the writer in me to understand what I do is intrinsic, taught to me and there’s much more going on than what’s being seen.  The Writer in me yearns to understand the reality of a beating.

Let’s take a simple spanking scene.  Just a short few swats on the ass, and break it down.  This is adult content FYI and strap on play.

Ronan groaned, pressing his mouth against Valerieʹ shoulder. Grateful for the contact, Valerie continued to buck against Siddellaʹs cock, enjoying the contact of skin against skin while Siddella rubbed Ronanʹs swollen cock up and down her cheek.
Ronan slapped Valerieʹs ass cheek with his bare hand.
The sting burned, forcing Valerieʹs eyes shut. ʺItʹs your body, my prince,ʺ she cried through pain that was sure not to destroy her now.
Ronan slapped Valerieʹs ass again, hitting the other cheek.
Pain flared over her globes, her nipples hardening even further from the sting.
ʺYou like the spankings, donʹt you?ʺ Ronanʹs voice was gritty, hoarse from coming but his lips were firm against her skin. He licked a trail of fire up her arm, sending a shudder through her.
Valerie began purring. ʺYes, I like when your hands are on
me, my prince.ʺ

In that little bit of a scene, what happened was this:  Ronan had already established trust with Valerie AND Siddella.  Valerie trusted him from the earlier bit in the book where we established that she had a goal and so did Ronan.  Even Siddella had a goal but hers was minimal in this part of the story.  An emotional bond was deepened by his question.  Her response, both physically and mentally reinforced that bond.  Later on there is a little aftercare that helps the subs in question come to grips with what was done so they understand that Ronan is guiding them from his heart.  The lesson Valerie had to learn involved parts of her life at 40+ years of age. Aftercare addresses the actual mentality going on.

But all you’d see in reality was the spanking, and her taking the dildo in her ass, and if you stood by close enough, you’d hear their dialogue.

In Reality: people play all the time like this and harder only after they’ve talked extensively.

In FICTION unless the book is a pure BDSM story where the heroine or hero is TOTALLY NEW, then we have to focus more on a deeper plot.  In Gift of Her Submission,  three different heroines are entering the kink world at three different stages of their lives.  Siddella has been kinky all her life and yearns to explore love through pain, Valerie’s explored some but as a cougar she wants more, and Casey, is totally new to all of Ronan’s charms, yet seeks out comfort in a non traditional method.  A little bit of dialogue and talk happens throughout the stories, interweaving Ronan’s past into you the reader.

Cover for Menage Bound, a romantic bdsm tale of an impending threesome

In reality I (and good dominants/tops) DO NOT  PLAY WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT TALKING TO THEM TO LEARN WHAT THEY WANT, NEED, CAN HANDLE, CAN’T HANDLE.  This does include some sordid past shit like abuse, but I only need to know what NOT to do to trigger something in the bottom’s head, unless we’re friends. But the bottom must trust me extensively.  And as good with whips as I am, if I don’t feel comfortable with a certain tec

hnique or toy, I will NOT use it on them until I have done my research and actually played with the toy.
In fantasy, the kink still has to make make sense.
In reality, I don’t know why my bottoms laughed when I mentioned that the pill I was about to lick off her back fell off her ass.  (Well, I do know, it was funny!) But that could be a fetish all itself.

I felt like a monster after my incident.  But I’ve been told by others both Scene aware and Non that I’m not.  YOU can however as an author use that as a plot device to craft a proper evil dominant.  The evil guy always gets the plot lesson wrong anyway and that’s the reason for his or her demise.

If you’re curious about Gift of Her Submission, it’s on Amazon for a song!
If you need a menage fix, Menage Bound is here for you.

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