Close this search box.

I had a dilemma with this scene. Who had to cause the inciting incident. This is how I worked it out so far:

In the previous scene, Sonja had been kidnapped and ransomed off, typical Burn Notice/Kidnapper style. When left alone, she uses minor witch craft to break free and knock out a guard. She’s on the run only to discover pumas, specifically the ones who were coming to rescue her, were outside causing chaos. Derrick had come for her, how could he not?
Unkempt bushes and hedges provided no cover. A stone fountain in the center of the concrete patio showed numerous cracks in the foundation and held only rainwater. Obviously, this safe house was just a temporary place.
Sonja ran towards the hedges and managed to climb over. She landed with a crunch and looked around.
Kneeling to a squat, she aimed the gun at the house through the hedges and took a few shots. This would draw attention to more destruction and away from the pumas.
Using low notes in her voice, she changed the trajectory of the bullets so that they all aimed for electrical outlets.
When she saw sparks, she knew she’d hit her target.
Someone returned fire and bullets grazed the leaves near her.
“Shit.” She moved off to one side and brushed back her trench coat. Odd that she thought of it as hers now.
She supposed she could buy Derrick another one.
Ahead of her lay vast land and tall grass. There was probably a dirt road somewhere she could follow depending on if she met up with Derrick and Max. She had to assume those two pumas were here. They had negotiated her supposed release.
A large explosion shook the ground and sent glass, wood and debris flying everywhere.
Sonja dove for the ground and covered her head to avoid harm from the mess. She landed on the rifle and grunted
The sound of voices yelling over the chaos prompted Sonja to get a move on. She kept the gun in hand but kept a low profile while she knelt and ran along the side of the fence until she could spot her captors.
The click of a gun sounded loudly.
She stood and spun around to face her captor, the tall Russian who remained nameless. Sorrow was in his eyes. “We have been outnumbered by our attackers. You must die and not fall into their hands.”
“No!” Derrick’s voice came from out of nowhere.
In a split second, Sonja’s eyes widened and she saw the Russian’s finger squeeze the trigger. Her vision narrowed down to the bullet loading in the chamber and the tiny explosion from the firing pin.
In the back of her mind she swore she heard a loud angry puma cry. And the flash of light that went off was there one moment and the next, was gone.
Her eyes opened and she saw Derrick offering his hand to her. “Come on, let’s go.”
She took his hand and was pulled to her feet. She blinked.
Then there were six other men around her.
She picked up on their panic and fear.
Derrick dropped her hand and held his up. “We don’t have to do this,” he kept his voice calm. Neutral. That was a good sign.
Guns trained on him first. One guy started forward.
Sonja searched his aura. He was just a human, as were the rest of them. This wasn’t a fair fight. Derrick could tear them all to shreds, but he was keeping his cool. That was definitely a good sign.
Derrick’s gaze never left the man coming towards him.
A fist caught Derrick in the gut.
He waited a second, then started to double over.
Sonja watched another fist catch Derrick in the gut, while the man brought his gun up to Derrick’s head.
Again another click of the piece sounded.
Derrick looked into the guy’s eyes.
He must have done something because the gun dropped instantly.
The other men started speaking in Russian.
Derrick turned around and gave Sonja a glimpse of his cat like eyes.
Panic threatened to choke her along with the rest of the men.
She had to do something before this turned into a mess.
“Derrick your eyes.’
“I know,” his face had begun to shape shift. “I can’t stop it.”
Even his voice had begun to change, going from deep and full to an even richer timber. She’d find it sexy if they weren’t about to be killed.
The men surrounding them backed up but kept their guns trained on Derrick.
Before she knew it, he stood before her in puma form. His eyes glowed bright green and blue while his tail swished around. He looked at her with an intense stare before returning his gaze to the men surrounding them.
Guns cocked.
Shells locked into place.
All the overwhelming fear slammed into her with the force of a tsunami. She stumbled back, felt the barrel of another assault rifle dig into her back through the leather coat and clothing.
She spun around with her hands up.
Her vision blurred.
Derrick would die if she didn’t do something.
She would die if she couldn’t fix this.
She’d leave behind her band, her brother and all that she set out to accomplish if she didn’t fix this now.
Before she could stop herself, her mouth opened and a vicious scream came from somewhere she couldn’t identify.
Power spilled outward from her and more screams joined the one she heard only seconds ago.
Blood spilled outward from the bodies around her. The veil between reality and insanity started to blur.
Her body took in all that excess fear, all the extra worry while pushing out a death so sweet that the screams silenced.
Then she fell to her knees and into the ground, landing with a thud against soft fur and hard muscle.

Chapter Four

Derrick woke up in a soft bed. His body ached, his stomach was sore and there were bruises on his forehead and back. He was naked from the waist down.
He moved to brush strands of hair back from his face and tried not to grunt. Then he saw the beauty next to him.
Sonja lay beside him still wearing his trench coat, jeans as she had the day before and a top that begged for removal because it was holding back beautiful breasts.
He licked his lips.
Then he stirred. And pain set in.
Sonja’s eyes opened. She shook.
Quickly, Derrick reached for her, caught her hand and rolled onto his side so he faced her. “Shh,” he pressed two fingers against her lips.
Tears started streaming down her face.
He wanted to kiss them away.
Stilling his mind, he leaned over her and did the one thing he could think of that could distract her from whatever horrors went on in her head.
He kissed her.
She sobbed but kissed him back.
Derrick tasted the sweet plumpness of her lips with a soft press of his mouth against hers. He kept his eyes open, gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

5 Responses

  1. What did you have trouble with? I think the inciting thru Sonja’s ascape attempt fits in very well. Obviously had she stayed put Derrick would have saved her. that comes across. I love the cresending climax in the first part up until Derrick is hurt. If flowed very well and kept the pace fast and steady.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to content