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Can you believe 2023 is almost around the corner? We have one more month of political bullshit as there’s a lame ass runoff in Georgia. That probably means one more month of fucking mailers and annoying as shit text messages asking If I’m voting, who I’m voting for, telling me I should vote one way or the other, and me responding with “shove it up your ass candidate I don’t like.”

Or my personal favorite: “Democracy is in trouble (no it’s not, you’re a liar and an asshole) so will you vote for XYZ candidate?”

My response: No. Because that’s a conflict of interest because I did XZY candidate’s mom up the ass while daddy watched and cried.

I can hear it now.

Why are you so disgusting and rude?

I used to shrug it off. Then during the 2012 elections I noticed the flurry of mail from both sides. I was like, okay, you both get one. But it wasn’t just Obama and whoever the hell ran against him in 2012. I forgot. Wasn’t my guy in that party anyway and people called me ridiculous for writing in Yellow Angry Bird Chuck… Then came the flurry of mailers for local races. State and local shit. Two years later, it worsened. Because they won’t fucking STOP! It can’t just be one side, either. It’s FUCKING BOTH SIDES You know how much paper you’re wasting, for those who claim to care about this planet? How many trees did you slaughter so you could create a cardboard piece of junk with your junk message on it that’s just going to end my junk bin. Or set on fire for the ‘Gram while I tag you and your party and rip you a new one for the waste. Or worse. Force myself on Tiktok to do the same thing…

While nobody really cares about the Libertarian party, know what I like?

EVERYTHING. (Not talking platforms here – this isn’t THAT type of political post)

I don’t know who the candidates are unless I want to look at other options. I don’t know their platform unless I choose to go in a different direction and I do my research. Mailers don’t bombard my mailbox along with those useless marketing fliers advertising shit sales at shit grocery stores with shitty fast food coupons for humans so they can commit slow suicide. See a pattern here?

Walker’s mailers=30 in a month, maybe slightly more.

Warnock’s mailers=about the same.

FUCK OFF! And don’t get me started on TV. I don’t own a TV and what visual entertainment I DO watch comes from a slightly higher paying tier on NFLX so I get to avoid all that garbage. But I’ve heard stories that it’s EVERYWHERE.

While we’re at it? I think we should ban campaign fund raising. Or strictly limit it. You either have the capital through your own intelligence to run, or you don’t. I know, that puts the kibosh on potentially qualified candidates but seriously? Who the fuck is electing them? If they were practical with solutions and had enough reach, they’d be elected. Don’t blame the two party system. Blame the candidate. Musicians tour the country in a van for days on end to do shows for little pay just to play and live out their dreams before a minority make it big. Fallujah, probably my FAVORITE tech-death metal band, had to eat at gas stations the last time they were leaving Atlanta. I offered to feed them next time they’re in town. (They have to be nice to my kitties…) And they’ve gained some fame, through touring. All over the golden state before someone recognized their talent.

My point is Word of Mouth about a charismatic candidate who has practical solutions is far more effective than a shit ton of mailers by talking heads that frustrate BOTH sides to the point where many of us are beginning to think “fuck your vote. I aint doing NOTHING.” Just to spite you. Of course, that undermines the point of democracy and no one would seriously do that, but boy am I tempted. Next thing you know, I’ll be in line for a death metal show and the candidate himself will just walk up and ask “Hey, vote for me, yeah?”

Fucker may even follow me into the mosh pit. Good gods, I’d love to knock some politicians around in the pit. Before any of you blast me for calling for violence on politicians, remember the Pit has RULES. NO ONE LEAVES TRULY HURT. And yeah, if you lift the fucking politician up to let his ass (or her, we can equally do this shit…) crowd surf and you drop them…pick them the fuck UP. Knock’em to the ground? Pick them UP!

Shit, before you know it (clickbait SEO ahead) those jabs they’re all attempting to force on us may have microchips. Not as trackers, but as POLITICAL ADS! FUCK!

I don’t even think mainstream religions is this up your ass about new followers.

During the last (or was it 2016) we heard about Gary Johnson, the Libertarian. Know how I found out? It wasn’t the media! It wasn’t a fucking mailer, or a text, or a phone call at 11:35 PM when I was busy masturbating (what, goddamn I love me!) or a door to door person or smoke signals. It wasn’t a sponsored tweet that repeated itself over and over again. Hell, it wasn’t even a FB ad.

Nope. Buddy of mine leans center and posted her support for him. I looked him up. Thought he was a chump but good for him NOT bombarding me then thousand times a day with shit. I’m too busy writing. I’m too busy at this point playing with my cats or paying bills or involved in a situation, or in the abovementioned scenario (you know you do too, it’s healthy!) to have one more thing to do. Yeah, it’s tiny. And if it were like, a few times in the months leading up to the election? Annoying, but cool. You do you, politician. I heard you. Maybe I forgot about you for a moment so you sent a reminder at the appropriate time. Now, you could have sent flowers (roses, the good ones you cheap bastard), chocolate (I like 88% dark cacao). or tickets to my favorite concert. Hell, read the blog you’ll figure out who that it is and it’s NOT expensive. And maybe a few weeks later, you just send a gentle reminder. “Hey, I’m still here. Can I count on you? Because you can count on me. I’m here.”

“I love you.”

No, if they said that I’d question their drug usage and ask where they got that shit from and why they aren’t sharing.

But every other day and multiple texts a day?

Eat a fucking bag of dicks, you rotting, soulless fuckers.

I hear some of you who may still be reading. You write romance. Couldn’t you articulate this better ? Couldn’t you be less caustic with your language? Could you be more kind? Could you be less of a dick?

No. Because it’s ridiculous the campaigning during Political Season. And it needs to stop.

*for those wondering how I can get away with this – I’m probably going to lose some people with the vitriol but… I DIDN’T ENDORSE ANYONE!

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